The year 2012 ended innocently enough, the world was as it should be
and everything was in its rightful place. But then the sun rose on 2013 – and
everything changed! Suddenly and
inexplicably everyone was a foodie. Friends, family, acquaintances and
co-workers all fell prey to the craze, taking up arms in the culinary crusade
and, quite frankly, I worry for them.
Because I DO NOT think it’s okay to think that a dark chocolate,
citrus infused pigeon is ever okay.
I have a strict policy: I DO NOT eat at restaurants that serve saffron
anything, or have the words “Balsamic reduction” or “deconstructed” on the
menu.
I find this kind of cooking disdainfully avant-garde. Yes, yes, I’m a
pleb. I like baked potato and steak. I do not appreciate food like this:
Apple caviar with Banana foam. Lychee Bubbles filled with Sage Vapour
on Oysters. Chocolate mousse infused with Tobacco and quail eggs cooked at
three different temperatures for three hours. (WHY?)
I want to draw your attention to this website: http://stuffycheaks.blogspot.com/2011/02/16-course-molecular-gastronomy-tasting.html
It presents us with an example of a 16-course
molecular-gastronomy-tasting menu (I’ll come back to that molecular
gastronomy part in a paragraph or two). But after reading through their
menu, I feel I need to ask the chef a few questions:
- What in the name of normalcy is a sweet and sour tangerine veil?
- What, pray tell, is bacon dust?
- And who on this holy earth mixes compressed watermelon, mango 'egg yolk' and dehydrated capers?
As promised, lets take a look at that phrase, “Molecular Gastronomy”,
which is described as follows: a whole new emotional and sensory experience of
eating, serving dishes such as crab ice cream and snail porridge. If I were
served crab ice cream, I guarantee you I’d definitely have a whole new
emotional experience (and it wouldn’t be good!) Other treats include
Mango Ravioli, edible sea sand foam, parsley champagne and frozen Parmesan air.
I have another strict restaurant policy: I don’t eat at restaurants
called “The Singing Avocado” or “The Purple Orange” or “The Pirouetting Pig”.
Names like this just confuse me. No, I eat at simple restaurants with self-explanatory names like “The Meat Company”, “The Punjab Chicken King” or
“Jimmy’s Killer Prawns”. No confusion there!
You know exactly what you’re getting. And you can be sure their menus
do not boast: Smoked Reindeer, smothered in a Spicy emulsion of fois gras
and jasmine infused air, floating gracefully down a babbling brook of balsamic
reduction, shrouded in a veil of tart strawberry foam, nestled in a pillow of
aromatic anchovy soufflé, sprinkled with a fine pork rind dust and doused in a
beetroot champagne.
Green Pea Jelly & Egg:
Would you eat this? |
Grilled Watermelon Salad:
How is this a salad? |
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